The Scorpion Queen

I do NOT have time to sit here and write this blog post.
I have a very busy day, packed with a drive to LooneyLand, about 3/4 of SonShine’s first (of two) baseball games this afternoon, and then on to H-town for what promises to be an absolutely gorgeous wedding for two VIFs (Very Important Friends, of course).
But, seeing as how Coach is not here* to hear, I have to vent.  Just for a quick second…
My birthday is November 3rd, making me a Scorpio.  I guess that also means that I have a tight connection with scorpions – a connection I would very much like to sever.  I would like to end this relationship because for the 8th, or 9th, or maybe even the 10th time I was rudely and painfully awoken with a STING in my BED in the MIDDLE of last NIGHT!!!!
Here is the evil, little critter:

Here he is dead on the bottom of my flip-flop with his guts shining in the camera flash right before he was flushed to a watery grave:

Here are the 3 Advils I took to easy the burning sensation in my leg:

Here is the applesauce I had to eat to take the 3 Advils because I am a pathetic 38 year old who can not swallow pills:

Here is me moving to the sofa because I could not make myself climb back in bed because, as I mentioned before, Coach was gone* and I wasn’t about to take another chance:

Here is my Candy Crush game that I was playing at 4:10 (that’s AM, as in Arrrhhhggg Morningtime) in an attempt to NOT fall back asleep where evil, little critters can get catch one unaware:

And now here is my real gripe:
I understand that scorpions are just a part of living out in the country where we live.  Anyone who shares my zip code can attest that, like bears in Colorado, alligators in Louisiana, or crabs in Alaska, copperheads and tarantulas and scorpions co-habitate with us here in the great heart of Texas.  They just do.  We have a pest service that sprays from attic to slab every couple of months.  The house gets a detail scrubbing every other week with spot cleaning and our best efforts in between.  We are fairly neat and tidy, no clothes in the floor EVER, no food left out, no ants, no roaches, no mice, no other nasties.  Just the scorpions.
But here’s thing – there is more than enough space in my master bedroom for the scorpions to spend the night somewhere other than where I am sleeping!!!  I have no idea why the architect who designed this particular floor plan thought that the master bedroom needed to be so large that it is impossibleto furnish, but it IS big.
Here is our pretty bed:

Here are our oversized, “old school” dressers that I love:


Here is my favorite portrait wall:

Here is our TV sitting area by the fireplace:

Here is my sewing area with my grandma’s 1965 Singer and Coach’s grandma’s frontporch rocker:

For Pete’s sake, we even have a massage table in here:

In other words, this room is big enough that I SHOULD NOT GET STUNG BY SCORPIONS WHILE I SLEEP.
OK.  I’m done ranting and raving.  I’m off to pack and have a fabulous Saturday.  And I’m looking forward to a great night’s sleep that is 100% scorpion free and includes Coach* snoring happily right beside me tonight 🙂  SWEET DREAMS!
* Side Note:  If you are wondering why Coach was gone last night, it is an unwritten rule in the life of a coach’s wife that when drama happens at home, her coach will always be gone.  It could actually be a golden rule…Camps, games, meetings, practices, conventions, coaching school, and film watching are guaranteed to trump broken bones, asthma attacks, snake sitings, scorpion stings, plumbing disasters, pet emergencies, and even hurricanes.  Yet I still love him – with all my heart – and wouldn’t trade my man for any other!